Ways To Identify and Address Relational Aggression in Schools

You may not even be aware of it, but relational aggression is occurring under your nose in schools daily. It’s the subtle weapon—gossiping, exclusion, and manipulation—that hurts friendships and egos without leaving physical scars.

As an advocate for students’ welfare, it is crucial to learn more about these behind-the-scenes attacks. When you know what to look for and how to react, you become an effective voice in ending the cycle of pain.

This article will guide you in identifying relational aggression early and taking steps to establish a safer, more humane environment where all children can learn and thrive.

Signs of Relational Aggression

In order to effectively respond to relational aggression in your school, you need to be able to identify its subtle presentation. Relational aggression is not physical, like bullying, and may be more challenging to identify. You may see social exclusion, the silent treatment given to someone, gossip, eye-rolling, or manipulative friendships as a school staff or teacher.

These behaviors can be just as harmful as direct bullying, inducing fear, depression, and low self-esteem in students. Observe patterns—if a student is constantly excluded from group work, has rapid mood swings, or seems peripheral, these can signal danger. Try to observe interactions at times of unstructured activity, such as lunch, recess, or between classes, where this activity is most likely to occur. It is also useful to discuss with other staff members and exchange observations.

Such proactive intervention not only assists the students involved but also significantly contributes to making the school community safer, more welcoming, and responsive to all.

That said, let’s discuss ways to identify and address relational aggression in schools.

1. Leading a Relational Aggression Small Group

You can help resolve relational aggression as a teacher or school counselor by having a small group operate on this issue. The groups could consist of students who have used aggressive actions or who have been recipients of such actions. Your role is to provide a safe and supportive environment where students can feel free to discuss their experiences and learn constructive ways of relating to others.

Through facilitated sessions, you will enable students to identify and address unhealthy attitudes, such as gossiping, exclusion, or spreading rumors. Role-playing, reflective exercises, and group discussions can be used to enable them to empathize, develop communication skills, and adopt healthier coping strategies.

You must also teach them conflict resolution and respectfully setting boundaries. Ongoing meetings—maybe weekly for 6–8 weeks—may help to build trust and a sense of responsibility within the group. Through modeling respectful interaction and open, honest communication, you help students develop socially and emotionally, ultimately reducing the potential for future relational aggression in your school community.

2. Implementing School-Wide Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) Programs

SEL fosters core skills like self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making—skills that proactively intervene in the very behaviors of gossiping, exclusion, and manipulation.

By weaving SEL into the culture of your school, either through regular class lessons, morning meetings, or structured programs such as Second Step or Zones of Regulation, you empower students to resolve peer conflict in respectful, positive manners. You can even weave SEL themes into assemblies, behavioral expectations, and discipline procedures to support positive behavior for the day.

It’s crucial that you engage all school staff—teachers and support staff—so everyone is operating from the same values. By consistently educating and reinforcing cooperation, empathy, and respect, you establish a common language and expectation across the entire school. This helps prevent relational aggression before it begins, fosters a healthier climate, and supports every student’s emotional and social development.

3. Encouraging Bystander Intervention

Too often, students observe exclusion, gossip, or indirect bullying but do not know what to do or fear themselves becoming targets. As a teacher or counselor, you can empower students by educating them that silence can perpetuate aggressive behavior.

Begin by establishing a classroom or school culture in which it’s okay to speak up and in which speaking up is appreciated. Role-playing typical situations allows the students to rehearse a response and feel more confident. Emphasize that it’s not confrontation to be an ally—it’s kindness, courage, and belonging. You must also identify and acknowledge students who demonstrate positive bystander behavior so that you can foster a climate of peer support.

By authorizing students to learn how to prevent relational aggression and by giving them the confidence to take action, you empower changing the school climate to one in which everyone feels valued and secure.

4. Engaging Parents and Caregivers

You play a vital role in addressing relational aggression by involving parents and caregivers in the process. Many families may not fully recognize the signs, as relational aggression is more subtle than physical bullying. Take time to educate them through parent nights, workshops, or take-home materials that explain behaviors like mood swings, social withdrawal, or sudden shifts in friendships.

Keeping communication open encourages parents to report concerns early and collaborate on solutions. Encourage them to regularly discuss peer relationships, kindness, and respect with their children. You can also guide them on how to support their child, whether they’re a target, bystander, or even engaging in such behaviors. Working together ensures a safer, more inclusive school environment.

Bottomline

Combating relational aggression in your school begins with awareness, intent, and teamwork. By offering small groups, monitoring early warning signs, adding SEL programs, empowering bystanders, and engaging parents, you build an integrated system that works for the improvement of all students’ well-being.

Keep in mind relational aggression is sneaky, but the effect is real—and with proper intervention, you can prevent it from doing long-term harm. Each conversation you facilitate, each lesson you teach, and each relationship you foster brings your school community that much closer to a safer, more respectful place.

By getting up, you let students know that kindness, empathy, and inclusion aren’t just values—they’re expectations. Your leadership can matter.